Oh my, it would appear the gauntlet has been thrown down and with vigor! But am I stressed? Nay. Why, do you ask? She may be a rogue, but she vastly underestimates my commitment to undermining her progress. This isn’t about who can play more World of Warcraft, but rather a cutthroat battle of wits where the engagement is taken far beyond the borders or Azeroth…
Read on for the 5 reasons I will thump Nicole in the to rush to level 80.
1. I’ve got backup
I’d like you to meet Megroth. My good friend Mike Hopper has agreed to enlist his services as an 80 Deathknight to power level my paladin 4 nights a week just to secure my victory in this little skirmish. While I can’t say that Megroth enjoys long walks on the beach, Kenny G., or shellfish, I can say that he enjoys ruining your shit through talents like deathgrip, heartstrike, or a good old fashioned army of zombies. So, while Nicole’s running around hoping that next boar doesn’t paralyze her, I’ll be kicking back, eating spider cakes while Big Daddy Megroth mercilessly slays anything that comes within 10 yards of me. Thanks Mike- you’re a true patriot.
2. I’ve put a hit out on her
That’s right. Some might say that this is taking it too far, but I disagree. Given Nicole’s wanton disregard for my abilities, perhaps the legions of Alliance characters visiting various WoW forums this afternoon will teach her a little respect as teams of mercenaries begin systematically hunting her down in all of her leveling territories. It should be hard to reach that next level with Night Elf Hunters, Gnome Warlocks, and Draeni Shamans camping her out like a Mac fanboy at an iPod release. Just to re-iterate, the bounty is 100G with 50G bonuses for video/screenshots of the kill.
Which brings me to my next point…
3. I’ve got the skills to pay the bills
How can I pay these griefers their mo
ney? Because I’m a regular tycoon at the auction house. When I’m not wiping my paladin’s ass with epic capes, I’m wheelin’ and dealin’ with Azeroth’s finest, brokering deals from Orgrimmar to Tristfall Glades. I offer the best deals anywhere on Hakkar and I’m open 24/7/365 ladies and gentlemen. Nicole on the other hand, is the equivalent of your classic cellar rat, scrounging all she can to buy that next uncommon leather piece because like a typical woman she stays at home (questing) while I’m out auctioning (working) her unfair advantage will now be re-balanced by my purchasing overly expensive and lavish rare and epic items, because as we all know, your character is only as good as your gear.
4. I’m revoking her internet access when I’m not home
Oh yes, I almost forgot- World of Warcraft is a MM O RPG, meaning online, meaning if you don’t have internet you can’t play. So, in one of my lowest moments I’m setting up our router to lock her ass out every time I leave the house so as to keep the playing field level. Enjoy carting your laptop to Barnes and Noble for that free wi-fi, sweetheart!
5. My record speaks for itself
Pictured left is Nicole’s gamer card and the right is mine.
Not Pictured: Victory
Any questions? Good. And if any of you see Nicole you tell her I’m coming…and hell’s coming with me!
This is a paid gig offering 100Gold for the assassination of a blood elf rogue named 'Ennellekay' on the Hakkar server in the game World of Warcraft. She prowls lowbie Alliance territories, primarily for the enjoyment of killing low level players. I can offer you the gold through the neutral auction house as I am a horde character as well. As a bonus, if you can provide screenshots and/or video of at least 5 kills of the rogue known as Ennellekay, I will throw in an extra 50Gold for good measure. Some additional information:
-She's very stealthy, high levels are recommended for this hunt so as to nullify her invisibility
-Currently she's between levels 45 and 50, meaning you should keep an eye out in the following territories:
-Tanaris
-Feralas
-Azshara
-Hinterlands
-Stranglethorn Vale
-Searing Gorge
-Swamp of Sorrows
-While her cowardice is palpable, she should still be considered dangerous-approach with extreme caution/prejudice
I look forward to your responses and the hindering this tyrant's progress in World of Warcraft. Happy hunting Alliance friends!
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